Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
