Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
