Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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