you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
