So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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