Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
there was a trapeze. enough said
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
