look no pants
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
