I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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