And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Randomize
