After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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