I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
