I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
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She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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