I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
