so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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