i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
