Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My balls are so social today.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
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at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
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