there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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