He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
