I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
