great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
