never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
