what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
