I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
His hands were made for my vagina.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
