you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
