I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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