too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
