So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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