She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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