my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
