brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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