So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
In America we eat man semen.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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