so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
