You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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