The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
