I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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