The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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