saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
