Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
