I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he told me I talked like a deaf person
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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