Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
