Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Randomize