You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
