If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My ass is underappreciated
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
