his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?