We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
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So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
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idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.