I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i love accidental penises.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...