You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I wish I only lived at night.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
