Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.

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(330): View more from Ohio

theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots

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(949): View more from California

So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?

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(785): View more from Kansas

Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.

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(330): View more from Ohio

The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.

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(801): View more from Utah

Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.

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