Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i will never coherently bang her
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Come back. Shots need mouths.