I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
