We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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