I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I showed him my bush... on skype.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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