watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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