I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
