if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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