Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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