He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
