It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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