I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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