i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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