My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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