i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
